In the end, what does it really matter?

100 years from now, a blink in the cosmic eye, absolutely nobody on earth will care about whats going on in the world right now.  Nobody will worry about how awful the president was, and nobody will wonder if the Republicans or Democrats are right.  And for sure, nobody will remember the name Joseph Aaron...unless its on a statue in Friars Point that says "Our Daughter, Killed by Joseph Aaron".

The nightmares are changing.  For the first time.  Is the blogging helping?

Amazing...

It's almost like the universe conspires to keep me anonymous.  For almost a month I have been blogging.  You would think that by shear coincidence, ONE PERSON would have stumbled onto this blog.

You would be wrong.  There have been ZERO outside hits.

Not that I care, I just find it unusual.

My little Catty-bug

When we were kids, Catherine was my best friend.  She had an imagination like nothing I have ever seen.  She could create entire worlds in her head.  Fantastic worlds for us to explore.  She was always the damsel in distress, and I her Prince Charming come to rescue her.

I didn't get to enjoy those times enough.  By the time she was old enough to really get creative, I had decided my kid sister was boring, and was more interested in hanging out with my friends, stealing cigarettes from the store.  Mostly trying to figure out how to get in trouble.

I do remember when we stopped being close.  It was her big day.  Opening night for the school play, and she had scored the leading role.  For months it was all she talked about.

And I missed it.  I was too busy with my friends to be there for my sister.  So how could I have ever asked her to be there for me...

The nightmares

I'm in hell I suppose.  In my dreams I mean.  Every time its the same dream.  Their faces are all there.  Mom, Dad, Catty...

And then I see her.  The face that haunts my every moment.  How did I get in this place where hope seems like a fantasy?

Her face...its not the beautiful face I knew and loved.  Or rather half of it is.  The other half is the damaged, burned, torn face I watched fade to death in front of me.  In my very arms.

And then they are all turning towards me.  Begging me for help.  What can I do to help them?  I've already let them all down too many times.  I barely have the energy to keep breathing, how can I possibly save them?